24/10/2021
As someone who has struggled deeply with debilitating OCD and anxiety for the majority of my life, holding space for people‘s biggest and most important and most meaningful day sometimes feels like a really big weight to carry. In the name of total transparency, I debated whether or not I should actually include that first sentence. But I think this type of honesty and vulnerability is extremely important, especially in this modern digital world where curated social feeds are the norm.
As an officiant, I have also always felt that I am in the role that I am truly meant to be in— holding space for and with humans, especially in the name of love, feels incredibly important and right in my bones. And I genuinely love what I do. Within the moments of ceremony, I never question if I am the right person to hold the space and it always feels like an enormous gift in the end.
But there still are days where the weight of the responsibility feels as if it’s beyond my capabilities. But, despite the struggle and some darker internal moments, I am granted the clarity of my truth: that I am completely uninterested in representing a false narrative of what life, love, and this multifaceted human experience is. And I am utterly and completely interested in sharing what is honest, vulnerable, and real.
I could list you 8 million things about my job that are incredibly wonderful and rewarding and fulfilling. And, I will also tell you that it’s hard sometimes. That this role can be challenging simply because of the responsibility, but also, being a human in the world also is challenging sometimes.
My hope in sharing these less than cheery truths, is that you’re left not feeling sad or uneasy, but rather that you feel less alone in the experience of being alive. May we all get to share in the knowing, from time to time, that even in our lowest lows, we are strong and capable and resilient. Sending love.
