08/03/2026
I would like to take some time today to discuss marriages with Inmates as we do a lot of proxy weddings for couples where one is incarcerated. First, who marries an inmate? Every demographic out there. From 20 year olds to 90 year olds. Our brides are usually well educated and often in a professional job, or owners of their own businesses. They are intelligent, compassionate and loving. Me being 63 and older than most, I feel very protective towards my couples.
I want to add that it is a beautiful act of charity to befriend an inmate and after conversing for awhile it often ends up in a serious relationship. The divorce rate is high for our inmate weddings unfortunately. The problem is that while they are incarcerated the inmates often times are master manipulators who say just the right things to make you feel loved, treasured and secure. They fulfill your emotional needs, and often share bible verses to show that they are people of faith. You feel seen and special. The problems start when they are released. There is no way to know if your inmate is going to do a Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde transformation but many of them do. The moment these tricky ones get out they turn into a demon emotionally, verbally and often physically abusing their spouse. The brides are horrified, alone, heartbroken, betrayed and even worse they feel like they were dumb to have ever married such a person. It's NOT their fault. They gave their love to someone that all along was just using them. They are good people and deserve the very best in this world.
So, is there anything you can do to prevent ending up with one of the rotten eggs? It's hard to say because again, these types are excellent at manipulating others. But a few things to consider: what are they incarcerated for? If they are violent offenders they don't often change when they get out so please be very careful and guard your heart. What about their families? Do their parents, siblings and kids know about you? Do they treat you well? If not that is not going to change when they get out, and often the offender will side with his/her own family over you. Are they faithful to you while they are incarcerated? You can always have a friend email them and see if they respond in a flirtatious manner. A loyalty test of some sort is not a bad idea.
Look for someone who will nourish your soul and protect you. Get to know them before getting married too quickly. If the marriage doesn't work out, forgive yourself, get a divorce (you do this in your own city and state) and know that giving love is never a waste of time.
We want every marriage to work out and both partners to feel supported and cared for - it's what we pray for, but if yours didn't end well it's ok. Your love is always growing and expanding and a bad experience doesn't determine your worth.
If you ever need to talk, please feel free to call me at 816-673-6106. I am happy to help in any way that I can. Wishing the very best for you all.
Reverend Natalie
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