09/16/2025
**Update- all plants adopted**
Adopt a plant:
$25 each- comes with an adoption certificate and a plant you’ll pledge your love to.
Plant Parenthood Edition
A wild and wonderful bunch of botanical badasses just trying to keep their soil together. From Type A to Type IDK, these leafy ladies are nurturing little shoots while surviving spills, sass, and school fundraisers. Whether she’s alphabetizing the garden tools or growing a whole new family tree, there’s a plant mom here for every kind of chaos. Warning: may cause spontaneous growth, emotional support photosynthesis, and judgment-free overwatering.
(Adopted)1. Chandra-This plant color-codes her own leaves, plans her blooms three seasons in advance, and gets mad if you water it off-schedule. She has a Pinterest board for every season and an anxiety attack when a leaf is out of line. Responds best to Google Calendar reminders and thrives under fluorescent lighting and passive aggression.
(Adopted)2. Alex- May have missed the school pickup, but brought popsicles for everyone. Spills trail mix in her purse and calls it lunch. Doesn’t believe in pruning, thinks sunlight is “just a suggestion,” and often forgets to photosynthesize until Wednesday. May be a cactus. May be raising wildflowers. May be at yoga. Who knows?
(Adopted)3. Mary- This plant is holding a baby, wearing a baby, and probably growing a baby. Produces shoots faster than rabbits at a family reunion. Comes with a minivan, homeschool curriculum and snacks tucked in her leaves. Probably powered by cold coffee and sheer will. No one knows how she’s still standing- just holding onto that pole for dear life.
(Adopted)4. Tina- Grows herself, raises seedlings, and repots her own dang self on Sundays. Doesn’t need a gardener—she is the gardener. Strong enough to grow through concrete and teach manners at the same time. Tough, resourceful, and blooms under pressure. She’s not tired—you’re tired.
- (Adopted w/Tina)Baby Maddie- Fresh out the soil and already running the greenhouse. She’s tiny but demanding—sun on her schedule, water just so, and don’t you dare forget to compliment her new leaf. Built for growth, built for glory, and yes… probably tougher than you.
(Adopted)5. Shawn- She might’ve started sprouting a little later than most, but now she’s rocking motherhood like it’s her favorite hobby. Pushing 50 (we would never say that to her face) but hauls that diaper bag around like it’s a bag of premium potting soil, and her secret weapon is a bottle of Tums she pops like plant food. Still stylish, still thriving, but deeply confused by TikTok.
