Dawn Photo Co

01/22/2025

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12/06/2022

Lubbock Families!

We have opened up a couple of dates around Christmas where our photographer will come to YOU to get some family photos while your families are gathered this year. 

We know this is a rare time of year when families gather- and we decided to give the opportunity to have some sweet memories made right where you are!

Here is the link to choose your date and time on
12/23 or 12/26!

Great for:
Large or small families, couples, anyone!

Front or back porch photos, dress up or stay in Christmas pjs. We can do as many groupings as you have time for. It’s a great way to capture this holiday season with the people you love! (We can shoot wherever you want (outside/ inside) but keep in mind it might be better for lighting to do outside!)

$250
Click the link below to easily book your slot!

Dawn Photo Co. is a photography + videography team with a reimagined experience serving Lubbock, TX and beyond.

08/02/2022

2️⃣ England⁣.
I can’t begin to thank the friends & strangers who organized and secretly gave to allow this retreat from life’s battle in the first place. Truly, thank you.⁣ I don’t know why God orchestrated this the way he did. But I am changed because of it.⁣
⁣
This story is hard to sum up in 2200 characters or less. Because there’s more than one story at play; The story of my actual experiences & what it was like & all the encounters with the people God wove into it. ⁣But also the story of my inner journey & most importantly, how God used the distance- as a tool to do major gardening in the soil of my marriage. Perhaps saving it.⁣
⁣
Not because of some profound experience I had, or anything 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥, but because of the opposite. ⁣What I wasn’t able to do, removing me from the equation, & taking me out of the drivers seat of my life for awhile, so he could work.⁣
⁣
Yes, God can accomplish so much 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘶𝘴. But I’ve found, sometimes he accomplishes even more 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘵𝘦 of us.⁣
⁣
My full story will have to be reserved for my book one day. It’s too deeply important to skimp on. But I will say, it was undeserved mercy.⁣
⁣
Without going into detail, when I left, I basically chucked a hand gr***de & left.⁣ My life was in ruins.⁣
⁣
Heavy burdens of shame, guilt, grief, suicidal thoughts, hurt, confusion & apathy boarded that plane with me. ⁣
⁣
I didn’t lose them all at once, but slowly they began to loosen their grip as I found myself on the English countryside with daffodils decorating the hillsides, dancing in their breeze, begging me to listen.⁣
⁣
“Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her.”⁣
- Hosea 2:14⁣
⁣
𝘖𝘬𝘢𝘺 𝘎𝘰𝘥, 𝘐’𝘮 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨.⁣
⁣
I had a week in England before I had to leave for Scotland, and I relished every minute. ⁣
⁣
It was as if I was in my very own storybook, nestled in a cottage & village that seemed to have been made from the very same substance God formed me from. I couldn’t help but feel like a weepy child in the lap of her father, arms wrapped around, head rested so closely in his chest I could almost hear the 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯.

08/01/2022

1️⃣It’s been 6 months since my last post. Since I withdrew from the world, & watched my life & world around me collapse in slow motion into dust.⁣
⁣
I have so many chapters I want to share. From this book that seems to be writing me, instead of me writing it.⁣
⁣
I’ve stopped fighting the currents of grief. & Instead I’m finding myself on a raft, riding them out, every so often rolling myself off the ledge & into the waters to learn to swim again.⁣
⁣
I figured the best way to share, is slowly. Which I’m not used to. Normally I want to cram everything into one well composed post when my heart is bursting at the seams. But not this time. Slow & steady.⁣
⁣
It’s good to be “back”, whatever that means. Life looks & feels a lot different & being off social for this length of time, was more-so Gods divine intervention, than my own doing.⁣
⁣
But it’s amazing the fog that can lift when you’re just given permission to retreat.⁣
⁣
I thought retreating was a sign of surrender or weakness. I was afraid people would forget Valor, or me, or my family or our pain. Which is why under the pressure of grief & trauma- I just kept showing up. Trying in my own strength to bring purpose to my pain.⁣
⁣
I kept blindly swinging my sword even though I was bleeding out on the battlefield & even wounding people around me.⁣
If you’ve ever seen Monty python- that scene where the knight is having all his limbs cut off & he’s still determined he’s not defeated. With no arms left he says, “it’s just a flesh wound” and keeps at it. Getting more limbs cut off until he’s just a torso with a head lying on the ground..yeah, that was me.😂⁣
⁣
I’ve learned since then, retreating is actually a wise tactic. When the enemy is gaining too much ground & the carnage & injuries are becoming all too overwhelming & your conquering looks inevitable; to retreat is to pull back from enemy lines, gain a new vantage point, & tend to the wounds & injuries you’ve sustained.⁣
⁣
That brings me to where I left all of you months ago…⁣
I was silently begging for an escape. A reprieve.⁣ & in Gods mercy, somehow He deemed it would begin across the world, in a small village, on the English countryside…⁣
(To be continued..)⁣

02/12/2022

⁣ I have seen dark & it knows my name.⁣
I have known it’s suffocation & saturation.
I became a byproduct of divorce at 11.⁣
I have had my heart ripped out and stomped on with steel toed boots.⁣
I’ve been told to get in the dark and stay there, where I belong. Been drug by hair and locked in a lightless bedroom.⁣
I’ve seen the inside of the juvenile detention center. Twice. ⁣
Felt betrayal s***f out the small flame I thought was mine to keep
inside my small frame.⁣
I’ve lie half dead in a hospital, abandoned by the ones who put me there.⁣
Slipping in and out of existence.⁣
Spent months hearing the beeping of a heart monitor who’s rythym convinced me I was dying, only to find out it’s worse-⁣
Just my bodies response to the trauma and theres no way out like death would have provided.⁣
Watched a best friend die in a car I should have been in.
My innocence was stolen- ⁣no, ripped from me at 14.⁣
The trauma buried deep within my brains makeup.⁣
I accepted the chains I thought I deserved for 3 years of my youth. ⁣
I sought love and identity under sheets of promiscuity. ⁣
At 16 a poppy seed was sewn in the garden of my womb, and at the time, it felt like a prison sentence.⁣
But, she would give birth to freedom. ⁣
She would grow a story of messy redemption. ⁣
The road of giving up everything ⁣
To gain everything, in the form of coming home from school to bottle feed a helpless flower named Emagen.⁣
I army crawled my way out of the inadequacy that was tattooed on my forehead.⁣
I learned to stand, limp, walk, and then run, toward a new future. ⁣
I fell so many times again. ⁣
Accumulating scars of guilt & shame.⁣
I found broken love⁣
I brokenly learned to ⁣
brokenly love and ⁣
be brokenly loved. ⁣
We painted on the canvas handed to us. ⁣
Hell bound determined not to use the same colors as our eyes were accustomed to.⁣
I sat in the cool of the evening with bloodied blistered hands, trying to learn the art of gardening that was never passed down to me. ⁣
I planted seeds. ⁣
A morning glory named Natalie.⁣
A marigold named Beckham. ⁣
Two, who’s buds never broke through the surface.⁣
And then Valor, a marigold.⁣
Who was ripped from the soil of my heart.⁣
And so, I am staring blank face in to the ⁣
Vacuum seal void I’ve seen so many times before.⁣
Because⁣
I’ve seen dark. ⁣
And it knows my name.⁣
Some dark I’m not ready to name. ⁣
Your mind is a scary place to be when all you see is dark.⁣
Wishing that your life was just a jacket made of flesh you could take off and hang up on the hook⁣
In your foyer where you used to hang a diaper bag.⁣
Wishing you could shed the very essence of you.⁣
Wishing that the Light…⁣
He would just take you too.⁣
Pluck you from the garden.⁣
Harvest you in His warmth ⁣
and end all this dark.

02/10/2022

Tbh, I’m not doing good today.⁣
This is where I come to process. ⁣
⁣
I don’t know why it feels better to have eyes on my words, rather than leaving them hidden on paper. ⁣
⁣
I found this photo on my phone that was sent to me but I had never seen it. I only had him for 5 more days after this photo. That was it. Then he was gone. ⁣
⁣
I don’t know why it instantly stung. ⁣
As if driving the nail in further- that there are only a limited number of images & videos of him in the world, & once I’ve seen them all, that’s it. ⁣
I’ll never discover any new pieces of him. ⁣
That’s all there is. ⁣
-⁣
I’m sick of this.⁣
I hate that my identity is enveloped in this. ⁣
I don’t want this. ⁣
I love talking about Valor. ⁣
But today I’m sick that this is all I have to talk about. ⁣
⁣
It’s like wondering if, when more time has passed, if anyone will remember who I was without this.⁣
Will I always be “that girl who’s baby died?”⁣
⁣
Someone messaged me the other day and said they had no idea I had a sense of humor until I posted a funny reel. ⁣
⁣
But I do. I remember I used to have the best sense of humor. I used to laugh. A lot. I used to make people laugh. ⁣
⁣
I used to be known for my humor. My zest for life. My entrepreneurship. My home renovation. ⁣
⁣
I’ve said I feel like a shell of myself.⁣
But a shell is too pretty of a word.⁣
More like a dead rotting carcass of myself. ⁣
⁣
Do I carry any weight or purpose outside of this?⁣
⁣
They say you can lose yourself in motherhood. Which I did, many times. But no one ever talks about losing yourself in losing them, if you do.⁣
⁣
Everyday I wake up &want to do nothing but focus on my child, because it’s the only thing that makes this veil keep feeling thin, between him & I…⁣
then I become instantly enraged because…⁣
you know what? No. ⁣
I actually don’t want to have to do this every f******* day for the rest of my life because it’s f****** exhausting & I miss enjoying life and not merely existing.⁣
⁣
Then the guilt from feeling that hits me like a semi, & once again, runs over my dead carcass roadkill of a self. ⁣
⁣
So I pull the covers back over my head. Because being me. Being 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘤𝘬 in being me, makes it far too hard to be awake.

01/24/2022

It’s been four months.⁣
Four months of walking with this child loss limp.⁣
In many ways, I feel like an amputee.⁣
No, I haven’t died from my injury sustained.⁣
Although some days I feel I’d rather…⁣
But everyday, in ever way, I’m reminded of my new life.⁣
This new life, this new me… I’d give anything to trade for the old.⁣
But I’m learning to walk. ⁣
⁣
It really is an act of faith.⁣
Everyday, choosing to walk by faith and not by sight. ⁣
Because if I look down,⁣
all I see is the missing limb. ⁣
⁣
Somehow through my clouded vision, I’m beginning to see.⁣
Through the emptying of my life, ⁣
the cup, ⁣
the one I begged to pass from me, ⁣
but didn’t. ⁣
I drank it instead, knowing it was mine. ⁣
I emptied it, and it emptied me.⁣
⁣
And slowly, oh so slowly,⁣
I’m learning. ⁣
How to truly be fulfilled. ⁣
And where to get my sustenance from.⁣
⁣
How to live and how to die 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭.⁣
⁣
Aren’t we all dying? ⁣
Headed to the grave either way?⁣
⁣
So how can I take this severed limb, ⁣
and this time I have left…⁣
And embrace far more, ⁣
run much further, ⁣
than I ever could have with two?

01/13/2022

I hope so badly,⁣
That when I see you again.⁣
You smell the same.⁣
But magnified by the infinite.⁣
⁣
I hope you feel as soft as you did.⁣
And that I can put the weight of you on my chest. ⁣
⁣
I hope that these longings⁣
Only a mother knows,⁣
That God himself wove,⁣
Are somehow more than fulfilled.⁣
⁣
That they don’t fall short⁣
Even an inch of what it would have been.⁣
⁣
To raise you here. ⁣
To hold your hand.⁣
To wipe your face.⁣
To clean your boo boos.⁣
To steady your walk. ⁣
To tickle your tummy.⁣
To kiss your toes. ⁣
To relish your giggle.⁣
⁣
Surely if this is only a foreshadow⁣
Of what’s to come,⁣
Then all of these things, ⁣
In their purest form,⁣
Are waiting for me there. ⁣
⁣
Surely we can pick up where we left off.⁣
⁣
And this time, without separation.⁣
This time, without the confinement ⁣
𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦.⁣
⁣
Without the greatest enemy to us all.⁣
𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩.

01/09/2022

I know I’ve talked a lot about the butterflies, but the hummingbird sittings have been more infrequent. So I didn’t think much of them…until now. ⁣
A few weeks after the funeral, I saw one on my side yard. A few days later, one in my front yard. ⁣
They may be common around here, but I’ve genuinely never ever seen one in person, much less at my house. ⁣
They are surprisingly small. ⁣
After those sightings, I had a few dreams about them. None repeating, they would just be in my dreams. Hovering.⁣
A few days before my family and I left for our first trip without Val to Ruidoso, we were watching Dont Look Up. There was a short scene with a vivid hummingbird flying in slow motion as it dipped its beak in a flower. ⁣
It kind of took my breath away. The day before we left for Ruidoso, I had a dream I was getting a tattoo. I was telling the artist what I wanted, listing all these things, when Justice looked at me and said “oh don’t forget the hummingbird.”⁣
⁣
The next morning we awoke and headed out for our family sabbatical. I journaled on the way, praying over our trip. Knowing how badly we needed this change of scenery and how badly we needed the sacred time together as a family, just the…. 5 of us. (That was so painful to write.)⁣
⁣
We arrived in Ruidoso and immediately headed to the store to stock up on things we’d need at the cabin our wonderful friend was lending us for the next few days. ⁣
I dreamt of being snuggled by a fire, phones locked away, playing games, talking, laughing. Journaling with coffee in the morning by a window. Reading my Bible and soaking in Gods presence.⁣
⁣
Ruidoso is where Justice proposed to me in the summer of 2013. So it the location alone holds a really special place in my heart.⁣
⁣
After the store, we headed up the mountain. On the way up, on the left hand side of the road, a wooden sign caught my eye. It was a hand crafted sign displaying none other than a hummingbird. ⁣
I shed a tear and smiled as I felt like it was a God wink telling me that what awaited us on that mountain was good. ⁣
⁣
We got all but 1 minute away, when the last winding road to the top, turned from pavement covered
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