07/14/2025
âLa Bestiaâ Never Stood a Chance: Jose G. Goes Full Rodeo in Carlosâs Backyard
By Jose G. Landa
Move over José Vitor Leme. Step aside J.B. Mauney. There is a new sheriff in town and his name is Jose G., the man who tamed the mechanical menace known only as La Bestia⊠not for the usual eight seconds, but a record-shattering, queso-spilling 60 full seconds.
The historic feat took place this past Saturday evening in a sacred arena known to locals simply as âCarlosâs backyard,â nestled between a slightly deflated trampoline and a cooler stocked with Big Red, Bud Light, and at least one mysterious can of Keystone Light from 2009.
The occasion was a birthday. The crowd was small but mighty. The challenge was a mechanical bull from Vargas Party Rentals nicknamed La Bestia " my ex's pet đ name by the way", which at rest looked like a fun inflatable toy â but when powered on, transformed into the unholy offspring of a jackhammer, a blender, and pure chaos.
âIt felt like I was staring death in the eyes. Or at least mild whiplash,â Jose G. later said, wiping queso from his ACDC shirt and rehydrating with a Topo Chico. âI channeled every beast I've ever seen â Bodacious, Bushwacker, El Diablo from Nacho Libre, and that goat that headbutted me in a head on challenge last year.â
As Bidi Bidi Bom Bom blared through a Bluetooth speaker duct-taped to a tree, Jose G. approached the beast, hat backwards, knee slightly trembling, and gave the crowd â all 12 of them, including a skeptical chihuahua named Chato â a nod that said, âI got this.â
With a slow-motion mount reminiscent of a WWE entrance and just a splash of dad-bod flair, he took hold of the saddle horn, whispered "Vamos a ver," and gave the nod.
What followed was chaos. Beautiful, bucking chaos.
The ride began at âMild Salsaâ but quickly escalated to âGhost Pepper CarnicerĂa.â Jose whipped side-to-side, forward and back, somehow holding on even as his Topo Chico launched into orbit and a rogue brisket plate nearly took out a cousin standing too close. Children wept. TĂas clutched their rosaries. Someone dropped a fajita.
Sixty. Whole. Seconds.
Whether it was athleticism, adrenaline, or simply the fact that the operator (Carlosâs cousin Tito) got distracted trying to light a Roman candle, we may never know. But what is certain is that for one glorious minute, Jose G. was not of this world.
He was the world.
After dismounting â if you can call rolling off the side and landing in a pile of folding chairs a âdismountâ â Jose G. was instantly mobbed by adoring fans asking for autographs, selfies, and in one case, a plate of brisket. He obliged. Legends are generous.
As of press time, the Professional Bull Riders association has not responded to multiple (okay, one) email request(s) for comment on whether Jose G.âs backyard feat qualifies for the World Finals. However, rumor has it ESPN is considering a 30 for 30 titled:
âLa Bestia: The Backyard Bucking That Shook the World.â
In the meantime, you can contact Vargas Party Rentals and try your luck and rent La Bestia for your own legendary moment by calling (830) 752-5882.
In the meantime you can also contact us for any advertising and information by sending us an inbox . JGL
