02/11/2019
Life Has Value
I was a 9 year old little girl standing in the back yard of our house on Holter St. in Helena Mt. with my Dad's pocket knife in my hand with tears streaming down my cheeks preparing to commit su***de. The bullies that had been torturing me for about three years had convinced me that I had no place in the world and the world had no place for me. It sounds kind of silly, maybe even a little trite, but what stopped me actually following through was that my dog came up to me and I wondered to myself who would take care of him if I was gone. I however, believe this was a God thing. I had many more times as I was growing up that I wondered where I belonged, why I was here and if the world would be better off without me. I never again attempted su***de. The bullies did not go away until I joined the Army as a 19 year old and I never shared this experience with anyone until I was an adult.
Now I look back at 60 years of life and I think about what I would have missed out on had I followed through with my plan that day. I never would have owned the horses my parents bought me. I wouldn't have gotten to ride around the racetrack at a full gallop with my Dad with a great big grin on my face. I wouldn't have made Red Devils Food Cake for my Mom for her Birthday's on Valentines Day. I wouldn't have planted tree's with my Dad. I would not have had all the amazing brother and sister experiences I have had my whole life. I wouldn't have given birth to my two wonderful boys or become a mother to my amazing daughter. There are three incredible grandchildren that would not exist if I had succeeded. Four more grandchildren who would not call me Grandma Lee.
I like to believe there are contributions to the world that would not have occurred had I succeeded. In high school I helped found an American Lung Association Walk/RideAthon that people either rode their horses or walked to raise money for the Helena Mt. Chapter of the American Lung Association. I spent nearly 4 years in the Army. I have spent over 25 years as a Boy Scout Volunteer and I believe I have had a positive influence not only on the youth I have worked with but also the adults I have trained. They say you can count the seeds in an apple but you can't count the apples in a seed and that is how I feel about the teaching I have done. Each of those leaders has gone on to influence and train others.
There are very few people I know who have not been touched by su***de. Whether in their family, friends or acquaintances. My family is no exception, having had a family member attempt and survive su***de with critical injuries and disabilities. Su***de and bullying are at epidemic levels not only in our community but in every community. I see it happening with people I love. We need to reach out and be open to people who need our help to avoid choosing su***de as their final option. We also need to reach out to the bullies and make sure there is someone there for them as well, often they are just as sad as the bullied; if they are not there needs to be realistic consequences for their actions that result in behavioral changes. I don't have all the answers, I might not have any, I just don't want to read about anymore children or adults choosing final solutions for temporary problems.
Remember Life Has Value and Be Inspired!
