05/20/2026
Headline: “Local Business Owner Finally Snaps and Lives Inside a Hollow Tree”
Can you see it? Because I can. That’s about where I’m at right now.
I’ve been going non-stop and while I truly love every minute of living out my wild imagination and making my hot pink dreams come true… I need to rest.
So the shop will be CLOSED May 25th–29th for a much-needed reset, some store repairs/reorganizing, and who knows… maybe even a facial. I vaguely remember facials. And hair stylists. (I stare wistfully into the distance.)
How did this come about, you ask?
Well. Let me tell you.
Actually… no. I’m not going to tell you the whole thing. No one needs to hear about me hanging out the Jeep window Ace Ventura-style in a road rage incident.
No one wants to see the security footage of me overturning a restaurant table because no one complimented my awesome red high heels.
And certainly no one wants to see the body cam footage from poor Sheriff Franklin after he was sent to coax me out of the store dumpster after what my lawyer would call an “alleged” fist fight with a raccoon over a banana.
No. You are better than that. You don’t need, nay, WANT those details.
Honestly, the real wake-up call was my recent merchandise ordering decisions. As hilarious and wildly appropriate as they were, they may also have been a sign that I’m a little tired.
🔥 Desk dumpster fires
🖊️ Snarky pens (Yes, Taylor! I DID girl boss too close to the sun!)
🍬 Dumpster fire candies
😳 Tiny middle finger candy.
…and y’all? They are SELLING.
So judging by your shopping habits, many of y’all are one minor inconvenience away from wandering into the woods to locate your own hollow tree.
You know what? It makes me think of Mr. Rogers asking the question, “Won’t you be my neighbor?”
And I say, “Hell yes. Pull up the hollow tree next to mine. Let’s eat candy, drink wine, and take a nap. But I am warning you, keep an eye out for that damn dumpster raccoon - he’s stronger than he looks.”
So before I begin communicating exclusively through novelty candy, Bitch Grenache Wine (not even the Bitch Bubbly Sparkling Wine), and increasingly feral behavior… I’m taking a little time for myself.