18/11/2025
๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐ผ ๐ฝ๐๐๐ผ๐ฟ๐๐๐๐๐๐
๐ฟ๐๐ก๐๐ฎ๐๐ ๐๐ง๐๐ฉ๐๐๐๐๐๐ฉ๐๐ค๐ฃโiyan na yata ang pinakaunang language ng isang breadwinner. Itโs the silent discipline we master without even realizing it. Yung tipong sanay ka na na inuuna ang lahat: bills, tuition, groceries, responsibilities, commitments. And somewhere along the way, nasanay ka na ring ilagay sa pinakahuli ang sarili mo.
Kahapon, while on my way to work, napanuod ko yung video ni Sanny Dizon. I didn't expect pero may kung anong pumutok sa dibdib ko. I felt itโbiglaan, malalim, at hindi mapigilan. Tears just fell. Kasi doon ko na-realize: napapagod din pala ako. Na kahit gaano pa ako ka-strong, ka-grind, ka-hustle, thereโs still a part of me quietly asking:
โ๐๐๐๐ฎ, ๐๐ค๐ฃโ๐ฉ ๐ฎ๐ค๐ช ๐๐๐จ๐๐ง๐ซ๐ ๐จ๐ค๐ข๐๐ฉ๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฉ๐ค๐ค?โ
For the longest time, Iโve been grindingโmultiple works, studying while working, hosting gigs left and right. And whenever may naipon kahit konti, automatic: โ๐๐๐๐ฃ ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ ๐ข๐๐จ ๐ข๐๐๐๐ฃ๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐ก๐๐๐ฃ? ๐๐ฉ๐ค ๐ฃ๐ ๐ก๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฅ๐๐ง๐ ๐จ๐ ๐๐๐ก๐ก. ๐๐ฉ๐ค ๐ฃ๐ ๐ก๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฅ๐๐ง๐ ๐จ๐ ๐๐๐.โ
Kapag may concert that I've attended to, may guilt. Yung tipong habang nagpapalakpakan ang crowd, may maliit na tinig sa likod ng utak ko na nagsasabing: โ๐๐๐๐ฎ, ๐๐๐ฅ๐๐ฉ ๐๐ ๐ฃ๐๐ฃ๐๐๐ฉ๐ค ๐ ๐? ๐ฝ๐๐ ๐ ๐ข๐๐จ ๐ ๐๐๐ก๐๐ฃ๐๐๐ฃ ๐ข๐ค ๐ฎ๐๐ฃ ๐ฅ๐๐ง๐ ๐จ๐ ๐๐๐.โ
But yesterday, for the first time in a long while, something in me whispered louder: "๐๐๐ฃ๐๐. ๐๐๐ข๐ ๐ฃ๐. ๐๐ค๐ช ๐๐๐จ๐๐ง๐ซ๐ ๐ฉ๐๐๐จ. ๐๐ค๐ช ๐ง๐๐๐ก๐ก๐ฎ ๐๐ค.โ
Then I saw my makeup kitโmagulo, basag-basag, halos nagmamakaawa nang mapalitan. And as a host, as a teacher, as someone who stands in front of peopleโmy presence matters. My confidence matters. Kung investment nga siya, bakit ba ang hirap ibigay sa sarili ko?
Last weekend I hosted again. Kumita. Pero ayun, bills. Lahat napunta sa responsibilities- and syempre wala na naman kay Shey.
Kaya siguro kahapon, I had this strong tug in my heart. Yung tipong hindi ko na kayang i-ignore: "Buy something for yourself. Not luhoโan investment in YOU.โ
I even asked my love,
โDeserve ko ba?โ
Kasi sa totoo lang, ang hirapโฆ ang hirap talaga bumili para sa sarili ko. Para bang every sweldo, may invisible calculator that automatically divides everything for everyoneโexcept me.
These past weeks, life has been overwhelming. Not many people see it, not because they donโt care, but because I rarely show it. Iโm the type who loves giving joy, sharing energy, keeping things light.
I host with a smile. I teach with warmth. I show up with bright energy kahit pagod na pagod na ako.
But little do they knowโฆ
๐ฝ๐๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐ก๐๐ช๐๐๐ฉ๐๐ง, ๐๐๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐ค๐ค๐ ๐ซ๐๐๐๐จ, ๐๐๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ค๐ง๐ฉ๐ก๐๐จ๐จ ๐๐ค๐จ๐ฉ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐ก๐๐ซ๐๐ก๐ฎ ๐๐ก๐๐จ๐จ๐ง๐ค๐ค๐ข ๐ฅ๐ง๐๐จ๐๐ฃ๐๐โ๐ฉ๐๐๐ง๐โ๐จ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ฎ ๐ฌ๐๐ค ๐๐จ ๐จ๐ฉ๐ง๐ช๐๐๐ก๐๐ฃ๐. A Shey who carries silent battles. A Shey who worries about the next set of bills. A Shey who wants to succeed not just for herself but for everyone depending on her. A Shey who cries quietly during commutes because thatโs the only time she allows herself to feel tired.
Thereโs also a Shey whoโs learningโslowly, gentlyโthat she is allowed to rest. That she is allowed to enjoy. That she is allowed to spend for herself without guilt.
That being a breadwinner doesnโt mean abandoning her own happiness.
Because somewhere ๐๐ฃ ๐๐๐ฉ๐ฌ๐๐๐ฃ ๐๐๐ช๐ก๐ฉ๐๐ค๐ค๐ ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ง๐๐จ๐ฅ๐ค๐ฃ๐จ๐๐๐๐ก๐๐ฉ๐๐๐จ, I realized:
๐ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ ๐ด๐ต๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ต๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐จ
๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ด๐ต๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ค๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐บ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง.
๐ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ ๐ด๐ต๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ด๐ช๐ฃ๐ญ๐ฆ
๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ด๐ต๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฆ๐ณ๐ท๐ฆ ๐ซ๐ฐ๐บ.
And maybe, just maybe,
this timeโฆ
Iโm learning how to choose Shey too.
