Married by Joel

23/07/2025

If you are planning on getting wed during this next summer, now is the time to contact me for your Celebrant! Terms are the same - your wedding, your way, and you decide what my service is worth to you. Yes, that's right - I have NO set fee. Ever. For a professional service at your budget, contact me now!

Send a message to learn more

07/01/2024

January 2024, and there are no changes to how I operate. No set fee, happy to accept whatever you feel that my service is worth to you, and within the scope of you budget, no questions asked. Please feel free to ask any questions, even if just for advice.
Taking bookings for 2024 and 2025.

27/12/2021

We are so pleased for Lana and Blair, and how well this came together with only ten days notice. Flexibility and versatility is key! https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/127385545/taranaki-woman-surprises-partner-with-christmas-wedding-half-an-hour-before-it-started

The secret nuptials had been in the works for just 11 days - and the groom was given half an hour's notice.

12/01/2020

Hi! It has been a while since i last posted, so it is timely to clear up some things.
* First, I do NOT operate as a business - I have a job, and my motives are to support people who may feel marginalised by overblown public perceptions of what a wedding should be like.
* This is why I have no set fee - only what my services are worth to you and that fits with your budget, no questions asked.
* That said, I do not compromise on the degree or quality of the support that I offer when working with you to make your wedding the event that you want it to be.
* I am open to all questions, so if you would like to meet for a chat about how I can help, I am only a PM away.

10/02/2019

Time to hear the music...
So, you want to have some music to be played. THere are three main moments - entrance of at least one of the people being wed, document signing, and triumphant exit.
The big question is often - what music do we play? There is a sliding scale of how much music you are aware of, what is appropriate, and how it is being played.
First, what music. Proceed with caution - musical tastes often change. Do you still listen to what you liked ten years ago? Will you look back on your choice of music and cringe? A safe option is not what is is the charts currently (or last five years), but the traditional catalogue. A rule of thumb for the quality of any music is how much a piece is performed one, two or three hundred years after it was written. Will groups be covering MC Hammer in fifty years? Or even now? Bach, Mozart, Mendelssohn and Wagner, to name a tiny few, remain popular, and are timeless. Still, if there is a piece of music that is very meaningful to you, go for it. Just remember that there are more people than yourself at the wedding.
Second, is it appropriate? Always try and project into the future. is your choice of music something that you will be proud of when you show your wedding video to your grandkids?
Lastly, how is it to be played. If streaming on Spotify or something similar, ALWAYS do a practice run, in the venue. The last thing that you need is to find out on the day that there is no coverage. If you want a bit of class, consider hiring a musician (or more!). But be warned - pop songs often mask an inherent lack of melody by backing instruments, and if, for example, you hire a violinist, listen to their advice. I have had requests to play a solo for a pop song that, when the vocal melody is exposed, has no real melody whatsoever. When you hire a soloist, you are also hiring their expertise, and ability to source, edit, transpose and rearrange your favourite tune into something that sounds decent.
So, in summary, be open to more than what you are familiar with, investigate traditional orchestral music that has been proven over decades and centuries, and check that the playback options do, actually work.
And listen to what the hired soloist tells you.

26/11/2018

All the World's a Stage...
And a wedding is both promise and theatre. Strip away everything but the essentials and you have five people, two of whom repeat a legally-required sentence, before they all sign a legal document affirming that the event has happened.
Everything else is theatre.
A family drama in a single act.
There are character roles to be played - Groom, Bride, Celebrant, maids of honour, best men etc. There is the script - vows, readings, speeches - and in the best pantomime tradition, the opportunity for the audience to participate. There may even be a musical item.
Little wonder that an industry has grown around the event, with the bride and groom given the opportunity to star in their own production. Costume, make-up, lights, sound, action!
So, before you spend your children's inheritance on your wedding, ask yourself -
If I did away with the whole drama and married my best friend in a backyard, would it diminish our future life together?
Check your values as you commit to catering for fifty guests at $60 a head, and balance the need to support the livelihoods of many strangers with the strength of your marriage. Does one depend upon the other?
Try to live your life in such a way as to make a positive impact upon the lives of those around you. To be the star of a theatrical production is to focus upon yourself, but it is how you lead your life that determines how people will remember you.

05/10/2018

A Social Event
Humans are social creatures. Living in groups, sharing the workload and looking after each other is what we do. Language, passing information and skills down from generation to generation has driven our evolution as a thinking creature that can consider all possible future events, and plan for them.
A wedding is one of the oldest forms of ritual around, as it is a social compact that, in ages past, formed a union between families, kingdoms, nations before the individuals concerned. It is a promise of cooperation for the future.
A modern term is "partner", flexible enough to be used whether you are married to each other or not. But the key is word - partner. A team of two that shares the work, shares the rewards and looks out for each other before all others. Loyalty and fidelity are central to any successful marriage, and it is inevitable that each person must be willing to sacrifice some old habits and behaviours if the partnership is to be successful.
For your marriage to be successful and lasting, a good rule of thumb is to put your partner and children before yourself. Always. And that goes for both of you. Never expect to carry on as the centre of your own universe.
And that is at the heart of the wedding vows - the promise made before the world of your new priorities. Part of the ritual, integral to the new future that you will share.
Obedience has no place in any society that is free of slavery.

17/08/2018

Values Check - Marry Poor
Do you expect to be given expensive items, for example diamond engagement ring, jewellery, overseas holidays etc? Marriage may not be for you. Consider the traditional vows - richer or poorer etc. A list of contrasts. The basis of any lasting marriage is friendship and trust. Breach either of those and the damage could be lasting. Material wealth can come and go. A good strategy would be to marry poor. Starting your wedded life with next to nothing means that your wealth may grow, fine, or stay the same, or cycle between boom and bust, but your relationship was founded upon a partnership, not a bank balance. You can always refer back to how you lived when you had nothing but each other. You did it once, you can do it again.
Just don't live in debt. Debt is evil. Never borrow money for anything other than a house or a vehicle if you need it to get to work. A wedding can be as cheap or expensive as you want, but never lose focus over what the event is about. Here is a clue - it is not about how much you can spend on venues, catering, entertainment (violinists excluded!), gifts for guest etc.

30/05/2018

FIRST DANCE AND STOMPED GLASS - WHY?
This is a tradition that goes beyond weddings. Back in the day, when well-to-do people hosted a ball - this means that their house was big enough to include a ballroom - the ball would be opened by the guest of honour. This was typically whoever had the highest social standing amongst all of the guests and hosts. If royalty were present, or a noble person of the peerage, they would have the honour of the first dance.
This custom was easily translated sideways to wedding celebrations, where the bride and groom, being the cause of the occasion, would open the ball with the first dance.

Of course, this gave rise to other wedding customs along the way, such as guest pinning cash to the couple's clothes as they danced.
Or, in a Jewish wedding, the stomping of a glass. This represents the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, and on a personal note, the destruction of your own personal Temple. Why? Before your birth you and your soulmate were one soul, sundered apart at birth into two parts - one male, the other female. Your wedding is the reunification of the two parts of one soul. Having been apart for so long, you are now together again, stronger than before. Shattering the glass is to show that what sent you apart originally is trivial now that you are together once more.
Cute, huh?

12/04/2018

Here is a long one...I have updated the playlist. I have added quite a few new melodies to the violin rep, including the two popular Wedding Marches (Mendelssohn and Wagner) and Pachelbel's Canon. There is enough to keep me going for a couple of hours, covering a range of styles, including baroque, pop, Celtic, folk, jazz, and slushy romantic movie themes. Something for everyone!

11/03/2018

Money. Weddings.
This can cause many relationships to rupture, and it needs some solid understanding. First, in the context of a wedding, your only necessary expense is the licence. Celebrant fees range from nothing through to extortionate, so it does pay to shop around. Celebrant services range from simply officiating though to event management, so check on what you are asking for.
Now, for the rest...in life, the key is to make sure that money does not go out faster than it comes in. For many, this may seem like asking the impossible, but it is vital. Debt is evil. Now, understand this - banks are debt merchants. If you have a savings account, you are lending the bank your money for them to use to generate income, usually as interest on debts. If you have an interest-free account you are lending the bank your $ for nothing.
To plan a wedding, draw up a budget and establish your savings goal. Next, examine how you spend your money. Over a couple of weeks list every single purchase. Then cross out everything that was not vital. And by vital, I mean purchases that without them the result could be slow death or power cuts. Coffees with your pals is not vital. Grow your own veges, walk or cycle as much as you can and save on petrol. Total, spartan frugality is not necessary, but some discipline towards unnecessary spending is.
At the end of each pay period, 60% of what you have left over goes into your wedding savings - the rest is your contingency fund (car repairs, dental etc).

20/01/2018

THE HONEYMOON - AND BEST MEN
Fashion has a lot to answer for. Back in the days when it was likely that you had never met your spouse until your wedding, the honeymoon was the time when you had a chance to find out all you could about your spouse, before coming back to the real world.
Of course, the "married at first sight" business often involved a bloke kidnapping a woman, and then hiding for a month or so until the in-laws had got tired of hunting for them. The best man was his trustworthy mate would would help defend him against his new bride's understandably angry family.

Things have settled down a bit since then, and typically we know who we are marrying fairly well. And so, the rise of the romantic wedding...

Once people began to have a bit more cash, after the Industrial Revolution, the tourism industry saw a growth market. Widespread aggressive marketing turned the foreign honeymoon into the must-have ending for any wedding.
For us here in New Zealand, hit the pause button. Before agriculture became big enough to be an export earner, NZ was a tourist destination, and still is. So, why go overseas for a honeymoon, when you already live in a major international tourist destination? Stay local.
Besides, if your honeymoon is a glorified excuse for a holiday, do you need to have one at all? Are you a slave to fashion, a drone to marketing? Save some cash, stay local, or just put it off until you can afford it, without having to borrow. Never borrow to buy anything that is not a house or a vehicle for work. Debt is evil...