Kenyans got swagg

Kenyans got swagg latest swagg za wakenya,jokes,fun stories,quotes etc

29/09/2025

hello!

Who is the boy?A or B?
12/06/2016

Who is the boy?

A or B?

21/04/2016

Research has revealed that;
*Moses alikua Mmeru. Izo mahasira zake za
Kimandazi mpaka anagongesha Stone
Tablets
chini!!
*Adam alikua Mmasai..kudanganywa na Eve
virahisi mpaka anakubali kukula Kamatunda.
Ufala reloaded
*Solomon alikua Mjaka..Yaani Msee alikua na
lifestyle ingine Baba yao.
*Pharaoh alikua Mkisii..Kichwa ngumu nayo
na
kuongea mbaya.
*Esau alikua Mluhya. Msee alikua na ulafi
ingine
hybrid mpaka anauzia Bro yake Birth right
ndio
apewe Food hehehe....
*Iscariot alikua Mûgîkûyû wa Nyeri..Alikua
anaona Business idea kwa kila kitu, yaani
mpaka
akasaliti Yesu Mwokozi..nkt!!
*Esther alikua Mtaita..urembo nayo..sisemi
mengi apa.
*Daudi hatujui k**a alikua Mjaka juu ya
kupenda
mawe ama alikua Mkale juu ya kupenda
vita..apo
research bado inaendelea nitawajuza jibu
likipatikana

25/02/2016

WISDOM
1.A Child can play with mothers breast but not with fathers testicles.
2.If you can date a kenyan girl there is no other girl that you will not be able to handle.
3.A man who hangs around a beautiful girl without saying a word ends up fetching water on her wedding.
4.however much the buttocks are in a hurry, they will always remain behind
5.no matter how tall a lady is she can never urinate on the wall.
6.Respect the fools to avoid noise.
7.The little opportunity given to a monkey to wear cloths does not guarantee it to join the dinning table.
8.You cannot convince a monkey that honey is sweeter than banana.
9.A fish and bird may fall in love but the two cannot build a home together.
10.Dogs do not actually prefer bones to meat; it is just that no one ever gives them meat.
11.An army of sheep led by a lion can defeat an army of lions led by a sheep
12.The a**s doesn't teach the mouth the sweetness of food .
13.“If men swear that they want to harm you when you are asleep, you can go to sleep. If women say so, stay awake”
14.If you do not travel, you will marry your own sister.
15.Without fools there would be no wisdom.
16.Before You go out with a widow, you must first ask her what killed the husband
17.A person who sells eggs should not start a fight in the market
18.Do not desire a woman with beautiful breasts-if you have not money
19.A woman who is not successful in her own marriage has no advice to give to the younger generations.
20.The man who marries a beautiful woman, and the farmer who grows corn by the roadside have the same problem

05/07/2015

Ukiskia mkamba anasema "mutula amepaint" usiangalie wall anza kutafuta venye utapata ambulance

13/08/2014

Hitifaki zote zikizingatiwa - All Protocol
observed.

12/08/2014

KENYAN COUNDUCTORS:
pass: kuna kiti?
Conda: hao wengine
wamekalia ndoo?
***
Pass: bwana hii gari
ina joto
conda: basi shuka
upande fridge
******
cond: madam , kuna
seats nyuma
pass: cwezi kaa seats
za nyuma
conda: kwani za nyuma ziko inje ya gari?
Basi wache dere
ashuke ukae mbele.

10/08/2014

A VERY‘straight and honest’ girl
from KISUMU was coming to seek
work in NAIROBI
Before she left
home, her mother gave her some
advice.NANDUDU my child when you get
to NAIROBI many men will try to
get you.
Resist them till you get a
husband. And you must take note
of the following requirements I
now set for you.
1. You must find a man who is
faithful,
2. Not a spendthrift
3.MUST BE A VIRGIN.”
With this advice, ‘nandudu’,
stormed the city.
Some months later, she returned
to her village to get her mother’s
blessings to marry. “Mother, I
have met the right man following
your instructions. He is so
faithful!!! We went out for a
holiday one day; he took care of
me specially even though there
were so many prettier girls
around. Isn’t that being faithful?
she asked expectantly.
Her mother nodded in agreement.
“How about the other criteria I
gave you?” asked her mother?
nandudu answered. “He passed
mum. He took me out and
decided that we stay in the same
hotel. In order not to spend too
much, we shared one room. See,
he is not a spendthrift!”
“One room?” the mother gasped.
“Don’t worry mum, he is a virgin.”
“How did you know that?”
“Mmmmmmmmm….HIS THING
WAS BRAND NEW. It was wrapped
Up in a plastic paper!!”Which of
course I removed…..
The old lady is recovering from
shock at the MATHARE
Hospital

04/08/2014

HOW TO SPOT A .....
1. Goes to a restaurant and orders 'nipee/
leta k**a ya uleee'
2. They are always dissing other cars,
especially ka Vitz but does not even own a
bicycle.
3. Every strike has to have the song
"Mapambano mapambano", and the "Haki
yetu" slogan.
4. They say 207 when they mean 2007
5. They point at stuff with their
lips...sijasema Mwende!
6. laughs at a ProBox owner from inside a
Tuk Tuk.
7. Reads your newspaper with you in the
Matatu and gets angry when you flip over
the page.
8. Goes to study in India, returns with an
American accent...yu kna wha am sayin?
9. You invite them home for a birthday
party and they come empty-handed and
hungry.
10. Borrows your pen and never returns,
and if they do return, kifuniko
imetafunwa!.
11. Refers to all brands of detergent as
Omo.
12. Refers to a Toyota Hiace as a Nissan.
13. When rela's come visiting and they
expect you give them fare back home.
14. When surprised their first word is
"Ngai!"
15. Introduces himself/herself by saying
"My names are"
16. Puts Avocado in all types of food even
crisps SMH.
17. They fear meeting a police at night
than a robber!
18. Buys mineral water once and re-uses
the bottle with tap water for 2 months.
19. When driving ataweka mkono ya left
juu ya gear, na gari ni Automatic.
20. Create 6-8 lanes on a two lane
road...and COMPLAIN of traffic!

04/08/2014

Omondi with 30inches P***s went to
Amagician and said,,,
"I can't Live with this anymore!Its too
long,Can you help me reduce it?"
The Magician answered,"Thereis afemale
frog
in that Swamp,Go ask her to marry you.She
will say,"NO"and you will loose 5inches Off
your Organ"
So Omondi went to the Swamp,got the
female
Frog then asked,
"Will you Marry me?"
The Frog Replied,"NO"Omondi lost
5inches,but
still 25inches was way too long.He asked
the
Frog Again,,
"Will you Marry me?"
"NO"Frog Replied,
20Inches is'nt bad but alittle long.He Asked
Again,"Will you marry me?"
The Frog answered"NO"...15Inches,is good
but
10inches would be better,Omondi
Thought,then he decided to ask for The
Last
time,,"Will you Marry me?"
Angrily,the Frog Replied,"How many times
do i
Have to tell You,,,NO!NO!NO!and NOOOO!"
Omondi Lost everything,including his balls

03/08/2014

Drunk Headon with the Teacher...
Teacher:-If i gave you 2cats,,again 2cats
and again 2cats,,how many will you have?
Drunk:-Seven Cats..
Teacher:-Let me put it differently to you..If i
gave you 2 apples,,again gave you 2apples
then i Added you another 2apples,,,how
many Apples will you have??
Drunk:-Six Apples..
Teacher:-Good,,now if i gave you
2cats,,again 2cats and again added you
another 2cats,,how many cats will you
have____?
Drunk:-Seven Cats..
Teacher:- (Very Angry)where the F***k do
you get Seven from?!?!
Drunk(Very angry):Because i F***ken have
one at home..U Bas*ard!!

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