11/11/2020
Today marks the first ever 'UN International Day Against Violence and Bullying in Schools'
We have been delivering our Bullying Awareness Programme 'Only Messing' to schools for over a decade and this kind of interaction has never been more needed.
Have a listen into this excellent podcast from RTE Radio 1 for a concise view on how to move forward with education, understanding and action: https://www.rte.ie/radio/radioplayer/html5/ #/radio1/21861143
In light of the day that's in it, I am re-posting the following. I wrote this a couple of months ago in response to a series of articles by a young person who was suffering daily bullying at the hands of fellow school-goers with seemingly no intervention either by the school or the parents of the perpetrators.
We have to do more to protect the set-upon and make sure to never provide a safe haven for bullying behaviours, especially not in/around schools. And never at home/online...
Never tolerate bullying.
Bullying has been a central concern for Red Moon since its foundation more than 25 years ago.
The following is my own opinion only based on many years of involment in delivering our Red Moon Bullying Awareness Programme 'Only Messing' to schools across the county, (and therefore researching, educating-ourselves-on and discussing the issues/best practices etc).
One of the most striking things we've found is the dilemna some 'bullies' find themselves in. In a section of the show we explore where bullies may be coming from.
The following, however, represents the non-PG, more complex and adult version of my observations on the scourge of bullying, both for the victim and the bully.
An open letter to those at the centre of this epidemic.
Dear Bully
This is for those of you who are aware. Questioning.
If you have been caught up in this practice and know it's harmful, if you recognise the dangers of the bullying behaviour you have found yourself participating in but don't know how to extract yourself from the situation, there are things you can do to withdraw from the act of bullying. There are people around you who will value and respect you all the more for taking a stand for yourself and turning your back on bullying acts.
Many of you are caught in a trap. It can be difficult to break away from a friend group. Especially bullying friends. They can seem very powerful. Strong, entertaining, edgy, exciting..
But they're not. The truth is...
They are stuggling: with their own issues, perhaps unable to process personal emotional stresses.
They are afraid: of what they don't understand. Or of uncertainties in their lives.
They are unwilling: to push themselves to learn more.
They are comfortable/lazy: content with allowing others to influence their opinions from one viewpoint, rather than educating themselves on all the perspectives.
They are hiding/confused: some are lgbtq+ and hiding it. Some are hiding/confused by their fears/desires/weaknesses.
They are victims: abused, maligned, misunderstood. Bullied. Physically, mentally, emotionally. And this is the outward negative expression of the effect of that abuse on their own phychological state and self-view.
They are brainwashed: victims of prejudiced, ignorant or misinformed views throughout their upbringing.
They are jealous: an indicator of low self worth. Usually accompanied by a victim/martyr complex.
They are insecure/low in self-esteem: a result of self-doubt. Perhaps by nature, more commonly, by nurture.
They are angry/sad/hurt: and this is how they choose/have been taught to vent their frustrations.
They are lost: battling to find their authentic selves, their identity.
They are unstable/troubled: and need help to manage their mental wellbeing.
They are vulnerable: because of one/some/all of the above. Because they feel they have no control.
Bullies get a kick out of exercising control, (not surprisingly), in one form or another, over those they consider (or want to make) weak.
Their victims.
But they are the weak ones.
The thing is, none of the pitfalls of the human condition listed above are anything to be ashamed of, in and of themselves. Each and every homosapien in this world struggles with one or the other, (or some or many or all), at some point in their lifetime.
None of those experiences, feelings, situations makes any individual a lesser person. Makes them weak.
But when you, the bully, turn those experiences against someone else, when you channel your own pain, hurt, prejudice and problems into harassing, hounding or accosting another person (or group of people) who are, most likely, already experiencing some of those same feelings themselves - when you CHooSe that path - then you are weak. You are weak and lost.
Do you want to be one of these people? Do you want to wear your decision to allow weakness to rule you on your sleeve in this way? Like a badge of self-shame and doubt? Do you want to continue announcing to the world, and more destructively, to yourself, that you have chosen to be weak by being a bully? That YoU have chosen to be your own victim - of your circumstances, your influences, yourself?
Bullying actions demonstrate weakness rather than strength not because you have experienced hurt or because you feel the effects.
Not because you hurt the way you hurt.
But because you choose to express your hurt in a way that hurts others.
Wouldn't you rather begin to take control of the fears that are driving you to engage in bullying behaviour?
There are ways to move out of and beyond the place you're in now. To extricate yourself from the mob-mentality. To turn your story into a positive, supportive story of growth and understanding. For yourself first, then, perhaps, others.
If you relate to these words in any way, if YoU have been the instigator or backer of bullying acts against others, please, please consider what it is you are telling yourself, and others, about who you are.
You are stating that you have made a conscious choice to be weak. You have embraced and welcomed it. You are comfortable with caving to pressures in this way. To victimising yourself. You have given up on valuing yourself enough to value others. Those who deserve your respect.
Including you.
You have chosen, by being a bully, to be the victim of your own insecurities.
Dear Bully, don't be a victim.
Wexford Arts Centre The Presentation Centre Bodecii Film
