27/08/2026
I once told a group of people, that 95% of a successful relationship comes down to selection.
Almost immediately, I could see people nodding.... smiling, thinking internally 'Don't I know it'"
Choose the right partner.
Choose better friends.
Choose the right people to work with.
Makes sense, doesn't it?
Except that wasn't the selection I was talking about.
I asked them:
“Which version of YOU did you select to bring into the room today?”
Because we don't arrive in relationships as one fixed version of ourselves.
We bring our emotional state, our beliefs, our expectations, our previous experiences and sometimes the baggage from something that happened five years ago… or five minutes ago.
The person who walks through the door exhausted and defensive can experience a completely different conversation from the same person arriving curious, calm and open.
That's why self-awareness matters.
Before asking “What are they bringing to this relationship?”, occasionally ask:
“Who am I bringing?”
The impatient parent or the present one?
The colleague looking for problems or the one looking for solutions?
The partner waiting to be disappointed or the one willing to communicate?
You can't select the version of somebody else who turns up.
But you have far more influence over the version of you that takes a seat at the table.
And that little shift can change an entire conversation... an entire day... week or even life..
Something to think about today... who are you selecting?
