08/05/2026
The Conversation we’re afraid to have!
(That bring Peace of Mind)
Today, on what would have been my mum’s 97th birthday, it’s made me reflect on the two certainties in life, death and taxes. Yet for something so inevitable, we often avoid talking about death, especially what we’d want for our own funeral.
But why?
In my experience, it’s one of the kindest and most practical conversations you can have. It’s not morbid, it’s thoughtful. When you share your wishes, you’re giving the people you love a clear path at a time when they’ll need it most. No second guessing, no disagreements, just the reassurance that they’re honouring you exactly as you intended.
I experienced the value of this first hand when I organised my mum’s funeral. During a visit to see her in Grenada, she suddenly said to me, “Go and get a pen and paper.” Sitting together on the veranda, she carefully talked me through everything she wanted for her funeral, every hymn, every reading, who she wanted involved in the ceremony, and the part they would play. By the end of the conversation, we had filled two pages with her wishes, giving us a clear and complete picture of exactly how she wanted her final farewell to be.
When the time came it was of course emotional but it was also filled with clarity. I wasn’t left wondering what she would have wanted I knew. I shared it with my siblings, and together we were able to give her the farewell she had chosen.
Starting the conversation doesn’t have to feel uncomfortable or overly heavy. It can be as simple as talking about whether someone would prefer burial or cremation, the kind of service they’d like, the music and readings they love, or a few personal touches that truly reflect who they are. Rather than seeing it as dwelling on death, think of it as giving someone the chance to have their final wishes heard and respected.
As a celebrant, I’m always happy to help guide these conversations or support families in planning ahead. If you’re unsure where to begin, or would simply like some advice, please feel free to get in touch.
Andy James�[email protected]