CURB SIDE kitchen limited

27/08/2025

27/08/2025

🚨IT’S WEDNESDAY, YOU FILTHY ANIMALS🚨
The week’s gone to hell, your boss smells like disappointment, and Karen from HR is microwaving fish again. Forget work, forget dignity – GET DOWN HERE AND GET GREASED UP.

🥓 We’re slapping meat in buns like we’re getting paid by the thrust.
🍳 Eggs so runny they should come with a wetsuit.
🥔 Hash browns crunchier than your ex’s attitude problem.
☕ Coffee that’ll rattle your skeleton like a dodgy washing machine on spin.

💦 Our bacon is sweaty. Slutty. Grease drips down your chin while you question every life choice that led you here – and you’ll still come back tomorrow begging for seconds.

🐖 Pigs died for this. Chickens cried for this. You’ll moan for this.
📍Somercotes Hill. Right now. We’re open, we’re feral, and we don’t believe in napkins.

⚠️ If you’re looking for a “light breakfast”, go nibble lettuce in a car park, Sandra. This is for the bold. The brave. The unhinged.

17/08/2025

🥖💨 Curbside Kitchen BREAKING NEWS 💨🥖
We’ve added cold cobs to the menu – because sometimes you just want something simple, tasty, and straight to the point (bit like us).

Fillings on offer:

Ham (classic, no messing about)

Turkey (basically posh chicken)

Tuna Mayo (the fishy favourite)

Cheese (can’t go wrong, unless you’re lactose-intolerant… then you will go wrong 🫠)

09/08/2025

🚨 WE’RE BACK, BABY! 🚨

Somercotes Hill, Monday morning, 8am sharp. The van’s fired up, the grill’s hotter than a turbo at full boost, and we’re ready to feed you lot like you’ve been lost in the desert all weekend. 🌵🍔☕

Oh, and sorry, Chippy – yeah, we saw you creeping with the camera this morning, snapping our “tragic empty space”. 🥲 Well, guess what? The beast has returned. The shutters are up, the smell of bacon is in the air, and your photo-op has officially expired. 📸💥

Come hungry, leave happy, and maybe a little bit fatter.

08/08/2025

🚚 Curbside Kitchen is Hitting the Road Tomorrow! 🚚

This Saturday (9th August) we’ll be serving up the good stuff from midday to 4pm at the Dukeries Motor Club Car Show at Mansfield Rugby Club 🏁.

What’s in store?
✅ A field full of rally cars, classic motors & modified road beasts
✅ Free entry for everyone (and free food for Dukeries MC members)
✅ A proper family day out with tasty food, drinks from the Rugby Club bar & plenty to see

📍 Eakring Rd, Mansfield, NG18 3EW
⏰ 12pm – 4pm

Come for the cars, stay for the food… 🍔☕
Don’t worry, Somercotes – we’ll be back on Somercotes Hill from 8am Monday to fuel your week as normal.

06/08/2025

The Ibiza Final Boss has ESCAPED containment.
Last seen vaporising cutlery and screaming “HAVE IT” at pigeons.

We tried to warn you. We told the council. They blocked us.
Now it’s too late.

🥔 It’s a jacket potato.
But also:
🧀 A dairy avalanche
🫘 Beans doing 130bpm
🐟 Tuna that smells like raw ambition
🥬 Coleslaw? Nah. That’s cold fury in a tub.

No jalapeños.
Because it’s already got beef with every postcode this side of the A38.

Once eaten, you may experience:

Sudden increase in chest hair (regardless of gender)

A strong urge to start fights in Wickes

Visions of your past lives — all of them covered in slaw

📍 CURBSIDE KITCHEN – DE55 4HW
🕗 MON–FRI, 8AM–2PM
💰 Cash, card, or ancient runes accepted

DO NOT APPROACH IF:

You’re full

You’re emotionally vulnerable

You’re wearing suede

COME CORRECT… OR BE TURNED INTO A HUMAN SAUCE DISPENSER.

25/07/2025

“It’s Friday — and Curbside Kitchen is f*cking feral.
We’re frying bacon like it slept with our missus,
and hurling roasties so fast they break the sound barrier and your last two relationships.

This ain’t breakfast. This is war.
The baps are stuffed, the grease is flowing, and the potatoes are screaming abuse while they crisp.

Don’t expect manners.
Don’t expect mercy.
Expect meat, carbs, and a spiritual awakening with brown sauce.

8AM ‘til the grill dies.
Bring cash, bring hunger, and for god’s sake — wear a helmet.”

24/07/2025

🔥 Curbside Kitchen Menu Update! 🔥
📍 Serving Somercotes from 8am – just down from the Co-op!

🥓 BREAKFAST COBS
Sausage Cob – £3.50
Bacon Cob – £3.50
Sausage & Egg – £4.00
Bacon, Sausage & Egg – £4.50

🍳 BREAKFAST BOXES
Small – £6.50
Medium – £7.50
Large – £10.00
(Comes with chaos and a side of morning glory)

🥔 JACKET POTATOES – From £3
Extras £1: Cheese, Beans, Tuna Mayo, Coleslaw
Homemade Chilli – £2

🍔 BURGERS
Cheeseburger – £4.00
Double Cheeseburger – £4.50
Double Bacon Cheeseburger – £5.50

🍟 CHIPS
Small – £2.50
Large – £3.50
Chip Cob – £2.50
Small Chips & Cheese – £3.00

🥶 COLD COBS – Ask us! £2.50

🍫 SWEET TREATS
Flapjack – £1
Chocolate Bars – £1
Cans or Pop – £1.50

☕ DRINKS
Tea – 80p
Coffee – 80p
Hot Chocolate – £1.50

📢 Come get fed proper – Whether it’s a bacon cob that slaps or a burger that means business, we’ve got your cravings covered.

👉 Follow us for specials, chaos, and a breakfast that’ll change your life (or at least your morning).

Send a message to learn more

17/07/2025

🍳 CURBSIDE KITCHEN LTD 🍔
“Feeding Somercotes since before your toaster was born.”

Rain or shine, we’re slinging breakfasts hotter than your ex’s temper and jackets fluffier than your nan’s Sunday mash.

📍 Just below the chippy in Somercotes

🕗 Mon–Fri: 8am–2pm

💰 Prices that won’t slap your wallet – but the bacon might slap your soul

🧃 Tea strong enough to rebuild your marriage

🥓 Bacon cobs so thick they’ve been banned on Love Island

🥔 Chips with a crunch you can hear in Mansfield

Follow the smell.
Come get your daily dose of chaos

07/07/2025

🎭 Curbside Monday Blues 🎭
The weekend left. It didn’t even say goodbye.
Now it’s Monday… again.
But don’t worry — we’re still slingin’ spuds and chip vibes like it’s Friday night.

💥 Come down. Moan about life. Eat your feelings. 💥
Curbside Kitchen — where your lunch doesn’t judge you, but it might give you heartburn.

Open ‘til 2. Cry responsibly.