08/25/2026
**DYLAN "THE OX DRIVER" BOYER**
This is the kind of man who was built to move something heavy and make it look easy.
His last name comes from the old French for *ox driver* — the man who took the biggest, most stubborn beast on the farm and made it go exactly where he wanted, exactly as fast as he wanted. Some things run in the blood. Today, he's bringing that same relentless forward pressure to the pie table.
No sword. No shield. No hesitation. Just raw horsepower, a working man's hands, and a clock that has never once intimidated him.
He wires up autonomous machines in an open pit coal mine — his whole trade is teaching enormous things to move fast without flinching. He races triathlons with his wife, so he's *comfortable* being timed. He coached his son's team to a Central Alberta Hockey League championship, so he knows the only stat that matters is who finished first. And he's a drummer, which means the man carries a tempo in his chest.
Watch out, Wescott — because Dylan isn't just here to eat. He's here to drive straight through, crust to plate, and become the fastest man to conquer an entire pie.
