08/08/2025
WORLD BREASTFEEDING WEEK 🤱
I had a real love-hate relationship with breastfeeding. Before having my first baby, I had (perhaps naively) assumed that it would come naturally and easily.
But that wasn't the case for us. Those first few days/weeks/months were really painful and no matter what I tried, or which position I held Willow in, I just couldn't seem to get it right. Throw in the sleepless nights, and the fact she seemed to be permanently attached to my b***s, and I was pretty broken. I'm not sure what possessed me to push through. Probably the fact I'm so stubborn!
I dreaded her wanting/needing another feed, especially when it was every half hour. It's only now that I'm remembering how often I cried about it in those early days. It's the hardest thing I've ever done (other than the being pregnant, giving birth and parenting bit 😂).
I sought advice from health visitors, went to breastfeeding support groups, saw a lactation consultant and a cranial Osteopath. Finally 3/4 months in, feeding started to become a little easier. Whether it was the Osteo's magic or the fact Willow was just older and we had found our rhythm, I have no idea. But we did it and I'm so proud of us for making it to 20 months.
With Darcey, it was different. After the health visitor reminded me to hold her closer and feed her like a newborn (not a toddler like I'd been used to), it was pretty straightforward. Though those cluster feeds and wake ups every 45 mins in the night still took their toll. We made it and finished our feeding journey just after she turned two 💕
I'll always be grateful that I've been able to breastfeed both my girls (and for so much longer than I had ever imagined). It can be so beautiful and I loved our special time together having cuddles, especially during those last feeds before bed. But neither of the girls ever took a bottle and that has had its own challenges. I felt I couldn't go out anywhere without either of them (for fear they'd wake up and need feeding). Only I could put them down at night or resettle them if they woke up. I felt touched out. I craved my own space, yet didn't want to be away from them. It's only when I stopped feeding that I felt I could have a bit more "freedom" and find myself again. I don't regret the decision to breastfeed. I loved it once we got past our challenges but my goodness, it is full on!
If you're in the thick of it right now, I get it. Whether you're breastfeeding, or about to start, tried and it didn't work out or it wasn't the right choice for you and your baby, I'm sending love to you. What's important is that we all get the support we need, however we feed our babies. I'll pop some of the support available in my stories ❤
📸 Forever grateful to Sophie Darwin Photography for capturing the pic of me feeding Darcey in those early days 💕
