Fruition Flowers (2026)

06/04/2026

Now that exactly three people have inquired, the notion of offering CSA subscriptions has cast some type of spell over me, suspended in analysis paralysis. This is the first spring in more than a decade where I’ll be totally tulip-less, a result of that pesky mastectomy and tariffs too steep to guarantee a good ROI. Seldom the pragmatist, I think it was surgery that drove the decision to hold tight to the cash, but I don’t fully know my own brain anymore, or my new body for that matter. What I do know is that long stretch of snow which kept us from seeing soil this winter has me springing harder than ever, even without the promise of parrot tulips. Something else seems as certain as spring: my website will not be accessible after today unless I log some hours with support to suss out exactly who my ‘reseller’ is in Google workspace. Tomorrow will be ten years since my second website launched thanks to the painstaking work of , one of many sweet souls who have helped to support this tiny agricultural dream. So, in spite of not offering a spring share, the rest are there, for today anyway.

22/12/2025

In the last light on the shortest day of the longest year of my life: winter roses. My dad and I had admired one fat bloom beside the lane, but a closer look revealed aphids and pocked petals. With my face so close to the soil, I was seeing things from enough of a change in perspective to notice this lone plant throwing flowers from the top of hellebore hill. I’ve been so sentimental all month, for the frightened version of myself that I was this time last year, during those dozen days between my biopsy and a Christmas Eve diagnosis. Even though cancer treatments scrambled my eggs, took my breasts and most of my hair, I left that last immunotherapy session and boarded a plane for an adventure I’ll never forget with a friend I couldn’t feel closer to. While I hate the changes my body has undergone, I love the way that grape sized tumor has changed everything outside my physical form. It’s been truly transcendent, heightening every experience, deepening friendships, cementing new ones, and reminding me how these low boughs of my family tree can still cradle me, a 40 year old baby. I’ve cried tears of joy with my nine year old niece from the top of the Eiffel Tower, taken my new t**s on a December swim in the Mediterranean with a friend who put her world on pause to celebrate with me, and squeezed more sweetness out of this year than I ever thought could possibly exist. It’s probably just a change in perspective, but my sister said something to me this time last year that rings true to me now: prioritize positivity. She didn’t say it would save my life, I know my chemo nurse did that, but the radical refusal to feel sad really did something for my spirit. It had me hoping the pigeons of Paris were spinning nests with the wads of hair I tossed off the balcony, cutting bouquets for my care team, just for the satisfaction of snipping those stems. It made me lean (and love) hard on my cousin who traveled to care for me after the dreaded double mastectomy. It’s forced me to be more vulnerable with the people I’ve always loved, like my mom, who has cried all types of tears with me. I don’t wish cancer on anyone, but gosh, it really was the great wen.

10/11/2025

Today’s surgery was so early I didn’t see the news, for a lapsed journalist like me, it’s a rare miss. I was submitting to silicone to restore some sense of normalcy, and my post-op self is already counting the regrets; for introducing something foreign into a body already compromised by cancer, for being forty and single and not brave enough to go breastless, but most of all for voting for & . Here’s something I’ve not had the guts to say: I’m a Medicaid recipient, and without it, I loathe to think where I might be today; because it could have been the ground. My beautiful little state has the BCCP (breast and cervical cancer prevention) program, which uses the income made in the month of diagnosis to determine recipients. Because I’m a seasonal small business owner, my $1.5k December earnings finally did me a favor, I qualified. When I was a kid, my dad got laid off from the shipyard and we got reduced lunches, even then I felt the hot cheeks embarrassment of a nine year old submitting a different colored lunch ticket, and I feel that same shame now. For choosing to be a farmer to make the world more beautiful and less plagued by pesticides, for being self-sufficient and choosing to cultivate a small scale operation just to know I’ll never be let down by someone else. In that same spirit, in this mornings darkness, I made myself this arrangement out of all things I ripped out of the field last week, because I can’t count on someone’s dusty son to do it, vogue says boyfriends are cringe anyway these days. Remember when the worst thing to be called in junior high was fake? Authenticity was everything, and now, part of me isn’t. Just don’t call me a sell out like my current state senators.

29/10/2025

I crashed my mini truck yesterday, and in the slow seconds that got it rolling, while I was feverishly shoveling wood chips onto the blueberry bushes and peonies before their long winter sleep, it’s a wonder I didn’t hurt myself, because I went down with her, just like some stupid salty sea captain. Stubborn as said character, I’ve had my share of near misses in life, specifically in the past year. When, in the middle of last October, my doctor found a lump, I was just as happy to ignore it as she was. She ticked a box that indicated ‘no lumps, bumps, or abnormalities’ and we both went on our ways, happy to wait the two months til 40 to get my first mammogram for guaranteed free, how dumb could I be? I fecked off to France and Germany, bringing my tumor with me to Christmas markets, hot cheeses and chocolates were enough for this salty sea hag to push the grape in my breast out of my brain for a week. I landed, with a scheduled screening just a few days away, because of the lump, they needed to do a diagnostic screening, because of what my doc indicated on my chart, I wouldn’t get one. They cancelled my appointment, sent me back to the office for confirmation of the lump and got me in for my diagnostic screening the next day. That’s when I learned I ‘very likely’ had cancer, and in the next breath, she told me to go home and get better insurance, affirming the feeling that my self-employment made me more of a seafarer out of my depth than being my own boss. So, if you’ve made it this far, please get screened. I really rail against everything painted pink, but I’m leaning hard into this whole breast cancer month as an opportunity to tell other people to do what I failed to. The month also gave me the opportunity to create these floral arrangements for a live show by to benefit and listen to music and cry happy salty tears in folding chairs with my mom.💕

09/10/2025

I’ll always remember this as the summer that lacked lisianthus. It’s the most decadent thing I grow; planted, fed, watered, and almost entirely devoured by thrips. No amount of nourishment could have made them pristine, but I didn’t need them, I was too busy getting my t**s cut off to be fretting over the bridal bouquets they were planted for. I didn’t need the breasts either to be fair, so I’m trying to look forward to a new pair, not mine, but not nothing. Similarly, lisianthus has done more than fail me at just the right time, it was also the reason to reconnect with an old flower acquaintance last season. When needed apricot lisianthus, we showed up with all the ruffles and petals, and I was stunned to see the gorgeous space she had created right under my big nose in the middle of my little hometown. Now she’s sharing this lovely studio with me, so I can share my flowers with you in an intimate workshop, focused heavily on dahlias, this Sunday. As ashamed as I am to admit it, I’ll never remember this as the summer that lacked weddings, because it made so much more space for living….and workshops like this one.

22/07/2025

The blueberries have never fruited so heavily as they have this summer; surpassing previous year’s records in the first week. I thought it was just us growers who measured life in units of weeks, but it turns out, oncologists do too. Most humans are lucky to have 4,000 weeks of this life, and if they were all as wild and wonderful as this last week has been for me, I could die happy, just halfway there. The blueberries have lured so many people I love to the land that I love working on; they come to lighten my load, fill their freezers, and gab about all that’s going on in the world, or in our little lives. Tomorrow I’ll be cancer-free, because I have two capable female surgeons who will also lighten my load by cutting away what I don’t really need. Since hugs wont feel the same for a while, I’ve been greedily getting them from everyone, wicking up all the love and positive energy I need to get me over this last hurdle. I don’t know if it’s just me projecting, but all the talk about bloobs has me dropping the L and thinking about all the changes I’ve got coming, and how this will be my last day on earth with my own.🫐

30/05/2025

The view from my breakfast table on what I hope to be my last day of chemotherapy. At first I was astounded by the stem length of these anemone, much like the 24 weeks I was told treatment would be; long as hell. I picked them for one of the special few weddings I’ll do this year, but they opened a little too late or a little too pink, so I kept them for myself. I felt that way about my social worker in the start too, she’s so young and perennially positive, her name ends with an ‘i’ and on our first phone call when she asked what I would do for self care that January day and I wanted to scream through the phone that I had gotten out of bed and that seemed like the most I could do for my miserable self; I was sure we couldn’t be the right fit. Little did I know that she would be the best antidote for the difficult days, she was also the sweet baby angel who coordinated the gift my bride made on Tuesday when she delivered all the leftover wedding flowers to my oncology unit. My favorite nurse texted me a photo of a bridesmaid bouquet in her homemade ‘mom’ mug and I was blissed out to see my worlds collide in such a wonderful way. I should say my favorite nurse has largely been my only nurse through all this, so while she’s certainly earned the superlative by distracting me with garden talk through Benadryl stupors and self-induced brain freezes (cold capping), I was sort of enchanted by her before I’d even met her. She was my dad’s nurse first. Anyone who knows him knows he’s not one to delve out praise, you’re more likely to hear him call someone a bonehead in Boston traffic. It seems so fitting that although my dad’s chemo ended before mine began, we will both be in treatment today, tethered to our drip lines with the most qualified, caring eyes watching over us. When put in pairs, these anemones sure look like eyes too, barely blush, almost bloodshot from all the happy tears, looking right back at me. I’m off to the farm to pick some poisonous foxglove for my favorite human antidotes.

13/03/2025

My bowl is brimming. The way that my far flung friends found out wasn’t what I wanted, but I couldn’t stand seeing more faces fall or making that awkward call. So many of you reached out and without knowing made sure I didn’t regret spilling it all on social media, and for that I’m so grateful. My friends in Ireland, my garden club ladies, and especially my high school boss, who first fostered my love for floristry reached out to say she once had the same rare breast cancer as I do. Although I call her mom for being there for me during those formative years, our diagnoses aren’t genetic or hormonal, but entirely environmental. Whatever got this growing in me is a mystery, but she pointed out that it could be an occupational hazard I’d never considered: pesticides, herbicides, and fungicides from foreign flowers. For years before farming I worked exclusively with imports, most arriving from Central and South America where anything goes to ensure flowers arrive flawless and cheap. I followed the flowers, and sought employment in so many facets of the industry, from flower shops to a wholesaler, stripping stems of foliage, peeling away imperfect petals, and ignoring the way roses looked splashed with saltwater, leaving a residue of poison that had probably been banned in this country decades ago. So, while I kick myself for not wearing gloves, like the sans sunscreen days of my youth, I never imagined it would catch up to me. The doctors like to say ‘everyone’s different’ so maybe I’ll cruise through it all and come out the other end an Amazon woman able to balance a bucket on my hip, held against a breast-less trunk, cutting these gorgeous flowers effortlessly; but maybe I won’t be. Like people, (according to doctors) everyone’s different, and these dahlias are no exception; varied in form and color, textured like honeycomb or quilled like cacti. I hope you’ll plant some this year, so that even if my September self isn’t cutting them, you can still have poison-free flowers on your dinner table. Available now on my site, free of tariffs, and only for pick up at my beloved

14/02/2025

My fortieth Valentine’s Day wasn’t supposed to go this way. I should be on my big flat feet, bolstering friends by slinging flowers from their shops. But today, and for the next twenty Fridays, I’ll spend six hours tethered to a plastic bag, receiving a slow drip of poison. Two days before my fortieth birthday, on Christmas Eve, I learned I had caught the cancer, specifically TNBC. It was my own fault, in a way, finding out on that day, because the lump had been there since at least October. But I had a field still full of flowers, and a fresh diagnosis for my dad, who had just started chemo when came out to the farm to take these photos. My doctor had given me a referral for a mammo, and I left it in a pile of unopened mail, sure that I could wait until my birthday so said tests would be covered by my measly marketplace insurance. Since then, I’ve been searching for silver linings everywhere, little things, like spending Inauguration Day sedated for a surgical port insertion. We’ve all felt a little scared about what’s around the next corner, worried about who the next ill-equipped appointee will be, which makes me feel so much less alone. My shared sense of dread is compounded by a clump of cells that I carry around on my chest, but it’s no different from all of yours. So, go get that screening, follow , light a candle for Luigi, and stop sending weddings my way! I’m working with a select few brides who I just couldn’t say no to, and to give me small, sublime celebrations to look forward to. Whatever you do, don’t pity me, treatment has been a breeze, and has only personified itself in an angry little chemo toe, (which I promise to keep kicked up all day today). It’s not nearly as bad as that candy-floss-covered-toe whose diapered derrière is planted in the Oval Office.

17/11/2024

It’s been nearly a week since they’ve left and I’m still finding Easter egg shells around the house. Well, really just remnants of the mismatched plastic shells, having been torn at their flimsy hinges during our scavenger hunt last weekend. These precious little people aren’t mine, but they love when I tease them that I’ll steal them from my sisters to live with me forever, and I love when they fight in the backseat about how my name is spelled: ‘TT’ or ‘Titi’. When they’re gone I get nostalgic over even the messes they leave behind; crumbs of air dry clay in the dining room, a broken nutcracker under the coffee table from their first ballet, and the pieces of crayons that got cracked in the absence of nuts. Someone said to me, months ago, when I was delivering flowers to the country store what a beautiful life I’d created for myself, and they were right, but it’s not just for me, it’s for them too. I wished someone had shown me as a kid that there were other ways to live this finite time on earth than chasing a salary and benefits; that perhaps pursuing something that satisfies my self, but also to produce something with value ethically. While they are still innocently unaware of the election results that will shape the world they’re due to inherent, the littlest ones are on a copycat kick, one getting mad at the other for also voting for Burger King for their pre-ballet dinner. While their world of wealth distribution is still measured in Pokémon cards, I’m always here for them to take a weekend off (without a pesky time off request) to make a mess and clean it up when they’re long gone. I loathe to think what messes they will be cleaning up when we are gone. Thank you for capturing these moments, because eventually we will all be dead; a fact crystallized in another backseat brawl that ended with a three year old screaming ‘I’m not gonna die’ while his sister insists we all will. 💀

16/08/2024

Saturday I stepped on a nail. Specifically an upturned piece of strapping pierced with a roofing nail that fell off the end wall of the tunnel ages ago. In an effort to avoid my own tragic death by tetanus, my left arm was an absolute noodle by Tuesday. It didn’t keep me from cutting the juiciest apricot lisianthus for a local designer, and this isn’t even half of it. When she contacted me to see if I could save her week with forty stems, I knew I could, I’d been drowning in them for almost two weeks, tucking them into mixed bouquets; true long-stemmed treasures hidden away in paper sleeves. It’s all felt like that lately, high yields and higher stakes as we slip into peak season on the farm, and the reassuring realization that I’ll always have just as much as I need. If there’s excess, it can bloom out there for no one. Although the job is infinitely harder with my bum arm, the posts needed to be driven in this week to support the dahlias through September, and hurricane season. Struggling under the weight of a post hole pounder, I’m still grateful that my foot found that nail before the beloved John Deere mower did. If we couldn’t cut the grass, I might lose my mind, sliding around in wet sandals that keep catching slugs. The kids today say ‘touch grass’ but for someone who spends most of my days outdoors, my sanity is sustained in cutting grass, it’s like cleaning your room and washing your windows all in one go, so satisfying (another phrase my niece and nephews now over use). So, to my fellow farmers who are feeling the aches of August; go cut grass, surely you’ll feel better.

01/07/2024

Just like that, it’s July. It’s hard to believe that the year is halfway over, my brain doesn’t believe it because I measure mine by brides. So far this summer, I’ve only sent eight of them down the aisle clutching my creations. While it gives me endless joy to cross things off lists, weddings aren’t always one of them. I love my brides, so letting them go from the grips of wedding planning is tough, since it’s often the only thing that tethers us. What softens the blow is all the ways I get hyped up by strangers in hotel elevators, or moms whose babies are getting married and they’re crying over a cuff that I made, out of materials that I grew. The wedding day energy is electric, and I just feel fortunate to be in the force field of it all. Saturdays post wedding exhaustion was countered by elation when I came home to a little surprise from a friend who found me through flowers; perhaps the most powerful force in my field-grown world these days. This is me, taking a big old bow, as July is an intentionally slow month for me, just one wedding, but so many road trips, beach days, and berry picking to be done in a month. Since I don’t live within the boxes of a calendar, I nearly missed American grown flowers week, we just happen to be right in the middle of that too.

Fruition Flowers

06/04/2026

22/12/2025

10/11/2025

29/10/2025

09/10/2025

22/07/2025

30/05/2025

13/03/2025

14/02/2025

17/11/2024

16/08/2024

01/07/2024

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