12/16/2020
A year of pain, change, growth and even some happiness. For those who don’t know, I closed Butterfly Petals, the business I spent my entire adult life creating.
I didn’t know the world would change as much as it has this year, I just felt 15 years was a good round number to end on. It wasn’t the end I wanted, it hurt and it took a lot to let go and make peace with what I considered failure, lack of talent, and so many other complicated feelings.
I became a mom again this year too and quarantine gave me the opportunity to watch babyhood with a whole new set of eyes. Without the pressures of growing and running a business, I was able to be fully present. A gift.
Last fall, I took a little part time job as a guide at Taliesin West. It gave me a much needed distraction while also allowing me to share one of my other passions with the world-my love of all things Frank Lloyd Wright and the beauty of nature, architecture and design.
In March the world caught up with us, I always knew I’d leave Taliesin to have a baby and thought by fall this year I’d have figured out “the rest of my life.” I’d finally make use of that Journalism degree, work for someone else, collect a steady paycheck without the constant fear of financial ruin, stress of managing employees, the crushing pressure I put on myself to make sure I made everything “perfect” for each client, only to inevitably miss one tiny detail-in my mind that meant absolute failure. The mess of networking while being a weirdo in a world of very pretty people...
I didn’t expect I’d get to return to Taliesin. It was a seasonal part-time gig and they closed during quarantine. I was delighted when they called early this fall and told me I’d be welcomed back.
Now I know I’m where I belong. I’ve never felt more at peace and more whole than when I’m here. It’s meditative. We’re juggling what it means to welcome guests to this historic space in a pandemic-but when I walked the spaces again it was such a relief and peace.
It’s been here, this beautifully designed desert experiment for 83 years and it was waiting for me. Just as it was. Beauty and nature not soured by politics, fear or sickness.
In some ways this makes so much sense. My love of nature and my native home led to flowers. My artistic quirky self found a way to express myself in design. I’m drawn to other artists and those unafraid of self expression.
I’m starting to think it’s not a change. It’s a return.
“Study nature, love nature, stay close to nature. It will never fail you.” Frank Lloyd Wright