08/10/2023
I wasn't sure how I'd look as Raven but I like it a lot more than I expected! casual Raven aka inspired, and classic Teen Titans Raven too! she also felt fitting for the other thing I wanted to share π
last slide is a pic I posted to my story and after sleeping on it (and reading all your sweet responses π) I decided I wanted to post it here too, in case others feel inspired or motivated by it as well:
regarding gym - I've only gone for a month now, but it's my first time going consistently since the Dark Times.
there's so much that goes into it tbh; being able to work out again, on *my own terms*, means SO much to me and is another significant milestone in my healing journey.
tbh, the bachelorette party at the rage room started it lmao. I felt like I was not only breaking the s**t out of junk, but also breaking the chains that I felt had held me down. I felt like pent up anger at how I was treated was being released, and now I utilize working out to continue working through this (surprisingly deep to me) rage.
I did so much work these last 4 years, reading, researching, reflecting, journalling, doing breathwork, doing yoga, getting still and quiet with myself, and that was all very *good*, especially to process most of tbe things...but this feels like the final piece.
because now when I look in the mirror, I'm not seeing some idealized version of myself meant to feed algorithms and sate this fleeting, illusionary feeling of "success" or "making it". now, I see how coming to terms with my anger can now genuinely make me stronger. and I LOVE it.
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I buried my anger because I NEVER wanted to be anything like the worst thing that ever happened to me. I never wanted to be anything close to a monster who weaponized their anger to hurt other people until they were satisfied. but when I unearthed my rage in that safe space, it finally clicked in my head that I could never ever be that kind of person anyways because that monster wasn't because of the emotion, it was just who they were all along. So I let myself feel, and I feel free.