08/09/2026
For years, this has been a part of our familyâs story that weâve mostly kept private. Our family, friends and people around us know, but we really havenât talked about it publicly.
That changed a little this summer. The Burlington Beacon Newspaper shared some of our story leading up to our drone show, and more recently RFD-TV highlighted our family and why making some of our events more welcoming for families with different needs has become important to us.
After sharing a little of our story through those interviews, we thought maybe it was time to share a little more ourselves.
Both Jacob and Vivian were diagnosed with autism at 2 years old, but they are two very different kids.
Jacob is our farmer. He loves learning about the farm, checking crops and knowing whatâs happening in the fields. He never turns down a chance to ride in the buddy seat of a tractor or combine. He especially enjoys watching our neighbors Wayne, Joe and Tanner farm across the road, and getting the chance to ride with them in the combine during harvest is pretty special to him. If it has wheels, Jacob is probably interested. He has quite the collection of toy tractors and Hot Wheels at home. Heâs also a joker, loves making people laugh and is just fun to be around.
When Jacob was diagnosed, COVID made an already unfamiliar road more difficult. He spent time on a waiting list before we could get him into ABA therapy. At the time he was nonverbal and he has come a long way. Today he is talking more and getting closer to putting sentences together. This year heâll be a full-time 4th grader at Danville School while still spending a couple days a week with his team at Balance Autism.
Vivian is more reserved. She was also diagnosed at 2, and we were fortunate that this time we were able to get her into Balance right away. She is nonverbal right now, but she continues to make progress with communication and weâre learning right along with her.
Our journey with Vivian actually started before autism. At only three weeks old, after being born premature, she became very sick with RSV and spent 27 days in the NICU at University of Iowa Childrenâs Hospital . There were times when the prognosis was not good. It was the biggest scare of our lives and something we will never forget. So watching her grow, learn and make progress today, even when that progress might seem small to someone else, means a lot to us.
Weâve learned that small milestones arenât always small. Sometimes itâs a new word. Sometimes itâs handling a situation that would have been overwhelming before. Sometimes itâs trying something new, communicating a need or just making it through an outing that once wouldnât have worked. Weâve learned to celebrate progress instead of comparing timelines.
Autism doesnât come without challenges. There are meltdowns. There are therapies and appointments. There are family activities we have to think through before deciding if theyâll work and vacations take extra planning. Noise, crowds and unfamiliar places can change what weâre able to do. There have been funny looks in public from people who didnât understand what was happening. There have been times we changed plans, left early or simply decided something wasnât going to work that day.
A lot of people probably notice that at Noraâs activities they may only see one of us there. A lot of times thatâs because weâre rotating and one of us is with Nora and the other is with Jacob and Vivian. We donât always know whether a crowded gym, a soccer field or a long event is going to work for them, so weâve learned to divide and conquer when we need to. But they surprise us too. Last soccer season Jacob decided he wanted to go watch one of Noraâs games. That may seem like a little thing, but to us it was another milestone worth celebrating.
Safety is always on our minds too. Our kids donât always recognize dangers like busy roads or moving vehicles the way other kids might. Around here, head on a swivel is just part of life. We are always thinking ahead and trying to help them learn the coping and safety skills they will need as they grow.
Through all of this, we also realize how blessed we are to have this farm. It gives our kids room to grow, explore, learn and just be themselves. Thereâs room to get away from the noise and have a little space when they need it. Weâre blessed to have it, and weâre blessed to be able to share it.
This summer, both Jacob and Vivian were able to watch the drone show. That might sound like a pretty normal thing, but for our family it wasnât.
When youâre raising children with autism, going to a large event isnât always as simple as showing up. We think about the crowd, the noise, how long weâll be there, where they can go if they need a break and whether theyâll actually be able to enjoy it.
Thatâs why having Balance Autism - SE Iowa Region involved with Freedom Lights and creating a space where families of all abilities could enjoy. We werenât just thinking about those families. We are one of those families. Seeing our own kids there enjoying something happening on the farm made it even more personal.
This journey has changed us too. It has made us more patient. It has made us look at situations differently and it has made us realize that you usually have no idea what another family may be dealing with. It has helped us see the world in a more caring and accepting way. Sometimes a little patience, understanding or kindness means more than people realize.
We also know we donât do any of this alone. We are fortunate to have a supportive big sister who has grown up right alongside all of this and loves her brother and sister. Her spotlight is coming soon.
We are thankful for our family, the teachers and staff at Danville, the team at Balance Autism, our friends, neighbors and everyone who has been part of our kidsâ lives.
And we love our community. We are grateful for the people who continue to visit the farm, bring their families, support our events and allow us to share this place with all of you. Your support means more to our family than you probably realize.
We donât know exactly what the future looks like for Jacob or Vivian. Like any parents, there are things we worry about. There are certainly days we wish things could be easier for them but we wouldnât change who they are.
Theyâre learning, theyâre growing, and theyâre making us laugh. Theyâre teaching us things, probably more than they realize. And weâre incredibly proud of both of them.
Maybe it was just time you got to know this part of our family too.
Doug & Heather
