25/05/2025
Grief Song was born out of necessity, from the point of deepest despair. It was a pivotal moment when something had to shift.
A lot of very painful things happened in a short span of time. The death of my father on the other side of the Atlantic coincided with the death of my beloved dog and the ending of my marriage.
My father was my best friend. He had a way of making everything feel like it was going to be alright. He once told me that grief is like a vast, cold lake you have to swim through. And you have to get to the other side because the shore behind you is on fire.
I didn't know how to handle the grief itself and on top of it all I found myself somewhat isolated as I withdrew from certain social circles due to venomous rumours being spread behind my back. The narrative of the smear campaign was that I was a narcissistic psychopath. As this was spread, every environment I used to feel safe in was tainted with the sour taste of potentially turning hostile. Insecurities found their way into my process of grief and with them doubts and questions.
Who believed what was said about me? How could I act, and even overcompensate, to not seem like such a person?
But wouldn't those social strategies be signs of narcissistic psychopathy?
No matter what I did I felt the sting of my own mind, telling me every step could be a wrong one.
It was the most difficult time I've ever been through. All this self consciousness and uncertainty together with grief became too much. I didn't know how to even begin dealing with it. When I wasn't crying I felt catatonic. But at some random moment I finally grabbed a guitar as if it were a lifeline, and this song was born. It wasn't really songwriting as much as praying! A prayer to get through all the pain and to move on, though it seemed impossible at the time. With it came the resolve to do whatever it would take to heal, and to endure whatever pain had to be endured so long as I reached the land of inner peace.
Like a life raft, the song helped carry me through the storm to a place where I could get my bearings again. When we started recording it, the song had grown with me. As it had worked on me and transformed me I now began shaping and transforming the song, trying to find what it wanted to become. Two of my closest friends and musical partners, Erik and Olov, joined me in this process as we started exploring a soundscape very new to us all.
Through much experimentation and with many darlings killed along the way, the song grew into its fully-feathered form, which we're all very happy with and proud of. We can't wait to share it with you on the 28th of May.
/Maria & Snårskogen
