23/01/2026
Alcoholic’s Diary No 1 – Let’s look at the dark side & honestly 🥇
I promised to speak without filters.
Because that’s the only way this story makes sense.
Over time, alcohol became part of my daily functioning. My fuel. My food. My drink.
Something that seemed to give me energy to get things done.
For the last two years, I woke up every single day thinking:
Where do I get energy for life today?
Working from home made it easier. No driving. No witnesses.
“Just a small cocktail.” Yas!
Dopamine up, eyes shining, words flowing.
I’d do the bare minimum, close the laptop, and disappear.
By 4 PM the crash came.
No energy. No people. No messages. No life.
That’s where lies begin. Isolation & excuses.
“Functioning alcoholic” sounds polished.
It isn’t, what it is is just someone who hides better ☠
High tolerance or alcohol in the blood 24/7. At some point, it doesn’t even hit anymore.
There’s a shadow always nearby!
You don’t see it or you just don’t want to, cause sobriety means facing yourself without filters 👺
The pattern is ruthless:
Trigger → urge → excuses (“just one”) → action → repeat.
Here’s the truth that changed everything:
❗ Willpower was never my main problem.
My real problems were:
• environment
• lack of routine
• the same triggers
• the same expectations
Sobriety started working only when the setup changed.
Not me. The setup🧠
And the hopeful part, this change is in MY hands.
Not someday. Not when life is perfect.
✅ Choose supportive people.
✅ Choose environments that don’t glamorize alcohol.
Move your body. Let your brain rest.
🕯 Sundays at 19:00 – Kohaloluring, Tallinn.
A safe space. No judgment.
Just being present and sober.
This isn’t weakness.
It’s courage.
(To be continued.)
