10/10/2020
Ive been very absent this year. And today I feel ready to partially share why. I early birthed two babies this year, a hardship I never thought I would experience, the humbling of this entitlement was in deed the first lesson to be had. Experiences, and in particular trauma has the incredibly power to sculpt us. With all my heart I believe I was asked by my sky babies to walk this path of pain, they nestled within me, twice, my heart filled with love & joy, my breasts & belly swelled, in anticipation I imaged our lives together, but then you pulled away from me to return back to the realm of the spirts.
The physical rite of labouring prepares us, it brings us strength, in letting the primal sacred experience take over the vail between this life & the one walked in the past & future thins, we are altered through labouring. I feel through each labour I in some way rebirthed myself, parts of me that were no longer serving me, that I had been carrying for so long broke away. I felt myself softening, rage bound within shifted, I was flooded with acceptance.
Children shape you, they are our greatest teaches, even the ones we dont get walk this life with. I believe my sky babies chose me for this journey, they saw how they could call me into scilence, to strength my femine, to make clearer boundaries, to soften my rage, to sit in the wisdom of our ancestors and acess deeper unconditional love.. for myself. They saw a need for me to rest & reflect, to not get up and push to achieve like I have in the past. They revealed to me the work I had to do and they brought that work to me through my sorrow. I must honour the path chosen for me & in doing so I honour my children, all of them. To anyone who has lost a child may it be in utero or in the flesh I promise you that pain can be a great gift. They have asked you to learn something, to tap into a cosmic wound and find the softness in it. To be reforged in the fire & emerge awakened to each other. As I type the tears flow, I long to hold you to my chest and bring you back to this realm but I thank you for choosing to walk with me, I am forever your student and I will always look for you in the sky.
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