14/02/2026
Valentine’s Day is always tinged with a little sadness for me. But a reminder too that I was lucky to have had many years of friendship with my beautiful friend Cathryn. We lost her on this day in 2014, and although I drove for nearly 5 hours to say a final goodbye she grew her wings before I arrived.
I wrote this letter later that day.
Forever in our hearts Cathy Sue ♥️
“Dear God,
In 1989 I met a wise wonderful woman. I remember our first conversation. It was when I learned never ask someone if they are Canadian when they are from Arizona! I liked her straightaway. So much so, that I told her I didn’t want to get close to her, because in our country town, people worked there for a couple of years and moved on, and we’d lose touch. She was offended and I was sorry and even though I knew I would miss this woman terribly one day, we became close friends. And so did our then 3 and 4 year old daughters. She told me something one day that I’ve never forgotten and have tried to adhere to without success – “The good parent takes their child’s forgotten lunch to the school, the responsible parent doesn’t and next time the child will remember their lunch”. Both of us were always good parents instead and I’m glad.
She was devoted to family and family time and we played hours of board games, she renewed my interest in jigsaw puzzles. We shared a love of scary movies and would have Grown Up sleepover pyjama movie nights with nachos and piles of videos (as they were back then). The rule was pjs and socks must be worn. Our kids thought we were weird as only children have sleepovers. We didn’t care, those were some of the best nights of our lives. She always fell asleep halfway through the second one though and would stand bolt upright when I’d say her name and say “What??? I’m awake!” I have only ever had 3 scary movie buddies, Yvonne, Alison and my friend from Arizona.
We camped at the beach together with our daughters. When pitching our tent she became indignant at the male looker-on who thought we couldn’t do it and asked did we want him to take over. She put one hand on her hip and waved the hammer with her other and said “No thanks, we’ve got this!” And we did. She taught me to play “Rummy Cub” by torchlight that night. I was no good at it. Later that night we were woken by a trapped mouse in the tent that had bitten me and we woke the whole campsite squealing while we tried to corner this mouse using one of the kids’ camp mattresses to get it out of the tent. Two squealing women and two squealing 6 year olds! The macho guy must have been glad we rejected his offer of help.
Saturday mornings we would meet at the coffee shop for “Mum time”. We’d drink cappuccino’s and read. Only spoke if we had something to tell each other. No awkward silences, just comfortable company. We found an author we both liked and scoured every second hand book shop we could find to get all of her novels and share them, sometimes reading them twice. The theme of the author was always the same, a strong woman facing adversity and winning.
We laughed a lot. Her Mexican cooking was always the best, and so were their American breakfasts. We got older. We talked about everything. I was a Catholic and my friend was brought up a Mormon but she was interested in all faiths. I smile when I think about the night she went to my faith’s midnight mass and accidentally set fire to her hymn sheet with the candle they had to hold – she was so embarrassed but we laughed. She fascinated me with her insight and perspective and wisdom and practicality and her love of life and family and friends. She was the neighbour who would welcome someone new to the street with a casserole or a cake in that American way. She would organise the street party, the Halloween thing for the kids, the “just because” parties. She asked me to help her choose new glasses frames in the early 90’s and she came out with huge multi coloured “out there” frames that she said she’d need to grow into – but they were so “her”.
The time came for leaving town and my fear of losing the friendship was unfounded. If she was your friend, you were her friend no matter where you were. I’d visit her and we’d walk over the sand dunes with our bottle of bubbly and watch the sunset over the beach with our feet buried in the sand. She’d visit me and suggest places to see that I had never thought of. She had such a passion for life. Everything always had a positive side for my friend. She was uplifting. We spent 5 days walking 45 kilometres of the Bibbulmun track together and I couldn’t have had better company.
We became proud grandparents. Our daughters stayed close friends. My daughter married and my friend’s daughter was bridesmaid. My granddaughter was born, and my friend’s daughter would become Godmother. The ties that bind.
But God, you may have decided my friend had done enough on earth and she surely must have had enough of what she had to endure the last few years, but I want you to know something. You sent someone to us who has left a huge legacy, who had a profound effect on my life, who helped form the person I am today, merely through knowing her. She touched the lives of so many people and did more good just for me in the past 25 years that I am sure she changed or enhanced the lives of dozens more. Yes I have lost a friend, but not the difference she made to my life. And her family have lost so much more than I can ever imagine and my heart breaks for them. My heart breaks for the woman with the heart as big as Arizona. I will miss her my whole life. I’m glad we got to say we loved each other a couple of weeks ago. I’m so sorry I wasn’t in time to say goodbye.
Look after her, God. She has done you proud.”
💔
